google.com, pub-9551754683506821, DIRECT, f08c47fec0942fa0 MommyDharlz.Com: Starting Over
Showing posts with label Starting Over. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Starting Over. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Dear Survivor, It's Nice To See You're Smiling Again...

Dear Survivor,

How are you? No one ever asks that question anymore. Some do ask, but they'd just ask because they're just curios.  And if you try to tell people, they attack you for being negative or for simply feeling unwell. Feels like you are fighting this battle alone, don't you? So I am asking you instead. How are you? 

In Myanmar, whenever you are asked that question, you always felt awkward telling truths about discomfort or of being unhappy or sad. Why was that? You always wanted people to think that you are okay, even though most of the time, you were not. Although you are honest in most aspects, it's the "How are you?" questions that you feel needed a positive answer. So right now, can you honestly say you are not okay?  Or, would you still tell people that everything's fine and that, you are coping. Hmmm..

It has been more than 2 months since you were repatriated from Myanmar due to the unrest under the military rule. The pandemic didn't scare you that much, although your salary and benefits suffered a lot due to low enrolment brought about by it, but because you stayed home most of the time,  it was safer to stay in, and budget was also bearable, you never complained. In fact, you considered it still a blessing to have income in a crucial time. But the military takeover last February 1 drove you to leave your second home and come back to the country with almost nothing. It was a scary and heart breaking time in Myanmar, you cried everyday and every night, for fear, and with all the deaths and killings of innocent lives. Waking up to nearby shootings and the noise when the military use guns, and tear gas to disperse the people who fought for their democracy day in, day out. You were scared for your Burmese brothers and sisters, but couldn't do anything to help them. Coming home was the safest option. Everything and everyone is monitored, even until now. Communications were cut off during the night and in the morning you hear news of kidnappings and killings, buildings being burned. There was a time you were afraid your family wouldn't be able to contact you as Internet and phone lines were cut. No one monitored the COVID situation for a time, and people were dying by the gun. Traumatic for them, so much for you who can't help, or do anything to make their voices heard. How are you with that? 

You said you're going to jump to another country but first you needed to renew your licenses and prepare new sets of documents and make sure your daughter can also transition well to Senior High School before you leave again. You liked being an OFW for the salary you can't get in the Philippines plus the perks and benefits of being a foreign teacher  that it's the best option you'd always choose, but you said you will not go back until you have prepared everything. You said you're going to focus on online teaching first and do freelance work while you wait for your next departure. You have revived blogging and ventured on to vlog in YouTube. Perhaps make it monetized and earn from it too. Well it isn't too late. 

But then everything didn't work out the way you hoped they would. The house was too noisy, even noise cancelling microphones wouldn't work so you kept postponing your demo. Starting over in blogging is strange these days, and vlogging? Your subscribers are still way below the required.  Deployment and movement of OFWs are at a stand still due to travel and border restrictions! Plus,  await the schedule for vaccination. Ha! Savings have now been depleted, loans and insurance need payments, you end up thinking of ways to make things work. Overthinking right into panic's door.

So last June 11, this happened to your face. 
Bell's Palsy.. You dealt with it with your  parent's help, mostly their care and their money because you have nothing anymore. Medication, doctors' fees and rehabilitation are shouldered by them. Good thing you have siblings that care too. They made things comfortable for you. Oh how you felt ashamed, and worried because your senior citizen parents are also dealing with their own medical maintenance. You are supposed to give them comfort, and not be a burden to them. You always cringed at the thought of people being dependent on their families or the government, yet here you are, penniless like a beggar and helpless like a scared cat.
You can't speak properly, lisping most times, can't pronounce words correctly, can't smile like before. Can't move forward with your online teaching plans. Can you say you are still okay? Most times you cry without tears, and at times tears fall without you crying. But on the outside, you laugh..


Are you really sure you are still okay?

You gather yourself together, find means to earn, with your mother lending you a small capital, that you started to venture into selling Black Rice, Salted Eggs (Itlog Maalat), Dragon Fruit, then decided to make use of unsold fruits and made them into Dragon Fruit Jam to sell.


A little squeeze of creative juices here and there, until they get sold.


But your hard work came back badly knocking you out, and instead of you getting better, your Bell's Palsy has reversed healing. Oh no!

You are a mother so you assist your daughter in her scholarship application for Senior High School, and you read her scholarship application essay and cry your heart out... Is this the work of a 15 year old? She was when she wrote this,  she's turned 16, 3 days ago. 

Oh how you felt sorry that your daughter feels she is in dire need of the scholarship because you have nothing to spend for her education at this point in time. Hurts like hell, doesn't it? You ask yourself what kind of parent you are for making her go through this. Are you still saying you are okay?

Now, now. I think you are weighing things much more heavily than you should. Your daughter is smart like you, and a survivor too. This is a phase in her life that will shape her and prepare her for the bigger world you want her to conquer. She'll be fine. She'll excel as she always have. Don't feel sorry, don't feel bad. Your daughter's understanding of your situation is deeper than anyone can fathom. That is her strength.

So, Dear Survivor, stop! 

Just stop! Accept that you are not okay and deal with it!

It's time to give yourself time to heal. You haven't really rested, as both your doctors ordered. You're stressing things out and it's taking a toll on your health, mentally, physically, psychologically and if I am not mistaken, your spirit is drowning too. Save yourself. You are the only one who can!

Where is the fighter that you once were? But in order to fight, you need strength. Where is the person who always makes sure she wins? But in order to win, you have to be okay. Where is that smile that brightens everyone else's day? Bell's Palsy may just make you smile differently, but your eyes twinkle every time you do, so it has nothing to do with the mouth area. Besides, with a mask on, no one notices anything but the smile in your eyes. 

Dear Survivor, take this time not as a downtime to wallow in self pity and give in to depression, but take this as a time to replenish your energy. Think of this as a vacation. A halt. A temporary phase. You always said everything in life is temporary, so why not think that way now? Give in to healing. Everything that you feel you've lost will surely come back. Money will come. Your life will be in balance again. But you have to take this time to fully heal... 

Dear Survivor,  don't just survive! Win this battle! Because you can! You always have, you always will!


Much Love, 

Mommy Dharlz 

<3

Dear Mommy Dharlz,

You have read this blog post over and over, and cried buckets of tears reading every word. How are you now?

Self

<3 

Dear Survivor,

Yes, I have cried an ocean as I read through each word I posted. Everything I have written was personal, but I didn't care who've read the blog anymore. I felt liberated. I read through all the comments and I am glad I have let go of these feelings that has burdened me. I am better. I am ready to heal. 

I saw my two doctors this morning, and for the first time since my Bell's Palsy started, I could say I am ready to focus on my healing. My mother and I had a heart to heart talk in the car while my father was out, and for the first time also, I saw through her, the loving woman that she is, always ready to assist me, whatever happens in my life. The same love I have for my daughter. 

I am glad I did this. 

Thank you Universe.

Mommy Dharlz

<3

Dear Survivor, 

There is nothing that worries me anymore. Perhaps I felt overwhelmed by the situation because this is the first time in my life that I have felt useless, and a burden. Looking at how the world is suffering right now, and how everyone is dealing with losses brought about by the pandemic, I didn't want to be someone who will add to the misery of people, especially not to my loved ones. That was perhaps what's bothered me. Well... That's hardcore over thinking. Ha! A battle within thyself. 

So congratulations dear survivor, you have finally broken the chain that has bound you, and hindered you to move forward with your healing.

Let me remind you of what you have accomplished even with Bell's Palsy. You continue to care for your family in the chores that you do. Cooking for them with love, when you can. Oh how they enjoy your delicious meals. 


That's not being a burden, you still contribute in the best way you can. 

And just recently you, as the president of your "clan", organized a 3 day online Pass-the-hat for a relative in Manila who passed away. You were able to collect P 35,000 from relatives abroad and in the country, with constant monitoring, that the bereaved family hasn't stopped thanking you for organizing it, and helping them through the toughest time in their lives.
See? Is that someone who is useless and a burden? Plus, you have started to capitalize on your other skills to make money. Isn't that something?

Anyway, I am happy you have finally come to your senses. 

Enjoy your vacation dear survivor. Everything will work out fine once you have healed. 

Lastly, give yourself a pat on your shoulder. Thank you for always trying, no matter what. 

Thank you. Thank you..Thank you..

Love you always,

Mommy Dharlz


***

"This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis.  The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The “Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with Teleperformance as sponsor."

Monday, May 31, 2021

Happy Monday

It's been awhile that I have posted an entry. Been busy doing things, thinking of so many things, and doing webinars mostly teacher related and agricultural related. I guess in the next few months this teacher will become a farmer. Ha! Let's just wait and see. 

I am also doing more videos for my You Tube channel, and preparing my mind and body for the long awaited vaccination. I still think of Myanmar every so often, and I missed everything and everyone.  I can only pray harder that they win back their democracy.
Till next post. I will be sharing some of the things I learned in my webinars.


Saturday, April 24, 2021

My Young Living Journey Begins

I signed up for Young Living days before repatriation from Myanmar. When I arrived in the Philippines, it was only the time when I made payment during quarantine, because my enroller paid it while I was not able to process anything bank related back there. Banks were closed due to the unrest, and we couldn't do online banking because we had limited internet connection, which when we have it, was very slow. 

And it was only a few days ago that I had been able to do an unboxing of my YL PSK for my YouTube Channel, Mommy Dharlz. Below is the video, please watch it,



If you are interested to be part of my team, please leave me a message.

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

7 Day Quarantine + Swab Test

Today is the 5th day of our quarantine, and this morning we had our swab test. It was a first for me, so I had been really anxious about it many days ago, and especially yesterday. Now that it's over, I feel better. I just need to think positively of the result, which is NEGATIVE - covidwise, lol.. 

Our government has set up a new system where we can easily check our results and get the certificate of result. 


So this morning we had the swab test, but it hasn't reached the lab yet.


When there is a result already, we will easily know... So when we have the result, I guess we can already go home. Then I will be with my family. 


Thursday, April 8, 2021

Finally HOME!

We just arrived, and finally, settled in our quarantine facility. The people from OWWA and Philippine Coast Guard are taking care of us here now. But I want to commend the hard work that the Philippine Embassy in Myanmar have also put into bringing us all home, OFWs and Non OFWs.


Such a tiring two day travel, from Mandalay to Yangon and Yangon then here in Manila. But, thank you UNIVERSE, all is well now. I cried twice in this journey. First when we were approaching Yangon International Airport, and then when the plane landed in Manila International Airport. It's a mix of emotion leaving behind your home for almost 4 years, and coming home to your very own country. I guess it's because I haven't been home since last year, summer, October and December, unlike the previous years that I had a chance to go home 3 time a year.

Well, this will be a new adventure. I am glad I have set up my blogs again so I can freelance online as I wait for my next country of destination. 

Until we meet again friends in Myanmar. Please stay safe.

Thursday, February 25, 2021

Sunday, December 20, 2020

There's No Place Like Home


There's No  Place Like Home..
There's No  Place Like Home..
There's No  Place Like Home..

Do you remember The Wizard of Oz? Well, I just wish I have Dorothy's ruby shoes right now.. I could tap  my red shoes and utter the words, but I will still be here, sitting in front of the computer, waiting for my loved ones to go online for a chat. 

Every OFW dreams of going back home and celebrate Christmas with loved ones and family. I always travel homeward at this time, but because of the pandemic, I am stuck. Well, it's not just me, and many of us working away from family and loved ones. It is one of the things we face, and should bear the burden of, although it is not really a bad thing these days. At least we have the Internet and Zoom to see everyone through online meets. I could just imagine how it was back then when OFWs didn't have these necessities. It must really be heartbreaking for everyone. 

Anyhow, I and my brother may not be with them this Christmas, but I am pretty sure we will still be together, online, that is. I pray this pandemic will end soon, and although nothing will become normal right away, I just hope things will get better. And hopefully too, I will be home in December 2021/

 

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

Of Domains and Hobbies

Gone were the times when we think of new hobbies, we buy a new domain and set a new blog to go with the new hobby. In those cheap domain days, we could easily find a new thing to do and blog about it in .com or .info, even on .live and .online domains.. We could just easily fill whatever space in the blogosphere and Godaddy just give us all those discount vouchers and so we buy domains in 2s, 3s or even 10s.. I looked into buying more domains for my three other blogs but they are quite expensive now. Plus, it's so disheartening to find my old domains are actually now more than ten times their worth when I bought them just when I was beginning my journey as a blogger, years ago. How time flies so fast.. I am quite dazed and confused at the thought that I was able to manage feeds and feedburners, analyze data and make sure that all writing gigs done before due date, or cut off so I would get my money by the end date and get paid on time. Buying domains was the hobby in those days that paid well afterwards.. 

Now I wonder, will this come back be worth it? Let's just wait and see.. Come holiday, I am going to work on fixing loose ends and see if I can still mend some of them. It seems I have forgotten so much of the routine. I even forget password of sites that pay well. I wonder if I still have orders in my dashboards.. ha! That'll really be a good thing.. I guess I just have to make sure my heart is really into this again. If not, everything will be put to waste.. 

Monday, November 23, 2020

Nothing to write? But I have so many things I wanna share...

Gone were the days when I could keep up posting on 47 blogs and keeping them up to date on a daily basis. That used to be my bread and butter  in those days, and I loved it. I loved the freedom,  as well as the income. Although I had to spend on what I wrote about, I still get more from how much I spent. I miss attending blogger events and meeting, as well as, networking with other bloggers, and learn new things about our job. And the bloggermail of course.. Freebies for review, and some products for paid posting.. hahaha.. Believe it or not, for many years it has allowed me to provide good education and the needs of my daughter, until I joined the public school system and became a public school teacher for less than five (5) years, and moved here to become an overseas Filipino teacher. 

I am having a great time being a Science teacher now, and although we are always busy, especially now that we teach online, I still think of blogging as a good way to express my thoughts and perhaps earn from it again. But then again, maybe not. I heard that some of the clients we had before are now into different mediums. So I guess I am back from where everything started, four (4) blogs, three (3) of which, are old blogs I just republished, while  the rest are hidden, and some thoughts waiting for me to type them... 

I have so many things I want to share, but I don't know where to begin.. Sometimes it feels that I have nothing to write about, and then I sit quietly for a moment, and they come knocking, just when I am about to start doing something job-related.. tsk.. 

Anyway, baby steps.. I shall find time to share my thoughts here.. and share them bit by bit.. I haven't announced my come-back so I don't really expect any readers any time soon.. 

It's just me and the blogosphere awaiting the reentry of Mommy Dharlz.. 

Monday, June 1, 2020

A New Beginning

 I had been a blogger since 2009. I stopped blogging in 2015. For whatever reason, only reason knows why. Ha! Kinda philosophical. But really, I just stopped taking care of my blogs, and left the blogosphere.  But I miss it. I miss the entries, making content, writing endlessly when I feel frustrated or when I am excited to share things that bring me great joy, and just want to air out stuff that brings me great sorrow. That was me, Mommy Dharlz a.k.a. Empowered Mom. 

Before deciding a come back, I had to decide on what domain name to take. Should I buy the old names of my previous blogs? Should I get a new one? Of course, I still have my More Food Adventures, A Teacher's Journey and Just the Tip of an Iceberg.. They're all floating and waiting for me to add entry. I will link them up here for easy access. 

So yeah, now I am officially back with my name on the blogosphere as my main blog this time.. I hope you enjoy every post I will share here..